moonbeams sunshine

hi,
hello,
how are you??

how’s your day?
is it good?
i hope it’s good

i just wanna say
i miss you 
a lot

everything’s cool
everything’s fine

instead of hating you,
i feel happy for you!!
you already find your happiness!! 

you know,
i always pray the best for you
remember that!!

but i miss you,
like a lot
but i just want to keep it cool.

Sunday, November 25, 2018
9:48 PM

can i now be the main character in my own life?

can i do whatever i do?

why i have too understand you, but you’re not doing the same to me.

why can’t you believe that i can?

do really know what i really want?

or the only matters to you is the only thing you want me to do

even thought i don’t like the things you want me to do.

and know, why can you understand?

i already talk to you, but yeah you don’t really care much bout it.

when will i get a support from you for all the things i decide, mom?

these days
people keep asking me
are you okay??
is there any problem??
u can talk to me
i’m really worried about

but

i just don’t know the answer
i’m not saying that i’m not fine
i’m fine, really

but 

i just don’t know
i just don’t know what happened to me
i cried every night without any reason
i can’t sleep well every night
i always feeling anxious

and 

i always think
i’m the most pessimist person
in my family

people might say
this mixed feeling is because
i’m on my period

but

i always feels like that
e v e r y d a y

i don’t know if i’m depressed
i don’t know if there’s something
wrong with my mental health

i just feel so useless in this world
i’m not done something good for my family
or maybe people near me

that doesn’t mean that i’m not thankful

i am very thankful to god
for giving me this amazing life
amazing journey
amazing lessons
that makes me become like today

maybe i’m not as lucky as other person
but i’m still searching for my own luck

Saturday, August 4th, 2018
3.39 AM